Unfinished Poem

By SISTER XƯỚNG NGHIÊM

You said, “I promise to practice for a lifetime,”
With diligence in meditation, never lax.
Both personal and communal duties well-fulfilled,
In mindful conduct and dignified manner, shining bright.

You thought, “I will practice for a lifetime,”
With a heart and mind fully dedicated, never waning.
Day and night, mindfully restraining body, mind, and will, With composure and grace in speech and laughter.

You believed, “I have already practiced a lifetime,” Looking around, you felt at ease and free. Coming and going with steps so leisurely, Thinking to yourself, “I practice truly, deeply.”

But unexpectedly, one day, the things you least wanted Suddenly crashed into your peaceful life.
Your mind churned like a raging river,
Thoughts of blame, frustration, and unease

Swirling uncontrollably, sweeping away the calm. Your chest tightened, anger burning,
Your face flushed, your hands trembled,
You could not regain your peace.

Your eyes held unspoken words,
And your chest heaved with anger,
Breathing heavily, as if you could not contain it.

You realized, “I have practiced so poorly.”
And then, feelings of guilt, disappointment, and sorrow. You withdrew from the Sangha,
Isolated yourself, blaming your own failings.
You withdrew into yourself,
Blaming those who made you suffer,
And even those who tried to comfort you.

Then one day, you asked yourself:
“What is the ideal you always held?
What is the ultimate goal of the practitioner?” And the poem you wrote remains unfinished...