We all get overwhelmed by strong emotions from time to time. Breath awareness and other Plum Village practices help us return to our peace. This article explains how to help children process their emotions and find peace as well.
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DonateIn his book, Happiness, Thay gives practical tips on helping children process strong emotions in a way that brings peace. He explains that emotion is only a storm. It comes and it stays for awhile, and then it goes. Children are fully in the center of the storm when it comes. As adults, we can recognize our storm of emotions, smile at it, embrace it, and learn a lot from it. When we are with a child experiencing strong emotions, we need to practice mindful breathing with strong concentration and share this method with the child.
Every time a child is experiencing a strong emotion, you can hold the child in your arms or just hold their hand and invite them to practice with you. Share with the child your capacity of solidity.
"Hold my hand, we'll breathe together, okay?"
Breathing in, I feel my belly expand.
Breathing out, I see my belly contract.
Expand.
Contract.
Breathe together very deeply. Breathe together very slowly. There's no problem. You are passing on your capacity of solidity to the child. The child breathing in feels strong. The child breathing out feels light. Breathing in, the child's mind starts to be calm. Breathing out, the child's mouth can have a little smile.
Some older children and children who get angry more often may like to practice carrying a pebble with them. Then they can go sit near the Buddha, if there is one in your house, or outside under a special tree, on a special rock, or in their room. You can teach them to hold the pebble and say.
Dear Buddha,
Here is my pebble. I am going to practice with it when things go wrong in my day. Whenever I am angry or upset, I will take the pebble in my band and breathe deeply. I will do this until I calm down.
Encourage them to keep the pebble with them, then when something happens during the day that makes them unhappy, they can reach in their pocket, take hold of the pebble, breathe deeply, and say:
Breathing in, I know that I'm angry.
Breathing out, I am taking good care of my anger.
Breathing in, I know that I am angry.
Breathing out, I am taking good care of my anger.
While they are breathing and saying this, they may still be angry.
But they are safe, because they are embracing their anger the way a mother embraces her crying baby. After doing this for a while, their temper will begin to calm down, and they will be able to smile at their anger:
Breathing in, I see anger in me.
Breathing out, I smile at my anger.
When they are able to smile, they can put the pebble back into their pocket for another time. This might be a good time to remind children that when we take care of our anger like this, we are being mindful. Mindfulness acts just like the rays of the sun; without any effort, the sun shines on everything, and everything changes because of it. When we expose our anger to the light of mindfulness, it will change too, like a flower opening to the sun.
You can teach children how to look after their feelings of fear or anger by showing them how to be aware of the rising and falling of their abdomen as they breathe. When children become afraid or angry, if they have forgotten the exercises you showed them, you only have to gently remind them how to practice.
From time to time we offer multi-week courses related to mindfulness, the teachings and life of Thich Nhat Hanh, and a variety of similar subjects. Please see our schedule of upcoming courses.
Take the Deer Park Monastery and Plum Village community with you wherever you go. The Plum Village app is designed to cultivate mindfulness, compassion, and joy through guided meditations, deep relaxations, practice poems, bells of mindfulness, and other practices — all through a mobile device.
